(Fear of criticism in all its forms can be stifling so this is with thanks to mlewisredford and Dieu
for sharing the boat...)
Caveat—What follows is not given in offense.
You are free to take it so if you must.
What follows will, undoubtedly, give offense.
You are free to leave it so if you must.
Proviso—You have been warned.
Imprimatur—I will offend. I will befriend.
I will embarass myseIf.
I have given myself
permission to do this.
I have given myself license
for these bits of licentiousness.
I have given
my self
to myself.
It is what it is.
There is no other way to say it.
You are free to deal with it or not.
You are free.
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A Prayer Like Gravity 
got it, understood, pleased to meet you, but … who ARE you?
(I know you’re johnnycrabcakes, I meant it more ontologically …)
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… actually this – ‘Caveat, Proviso, Imprimatur’ – could be your ‘about’ page
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ha ha–speaking of ontology and “about” pages, I used to have an about page but found it so frustrating–it was really just a list of opinions, not really about me but about my opinions about me…I gave up. Thought maybe I should do a NOT about me page…might make more sense…
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But I like that idea about using this post….hmmm.
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? Ok I’ll get back to you on this one…
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