NaPoWriMo, 2016, Day 4 (on Day 5)–As ever

(because I am, as ever, running behind...)
(this one is for Natalie--a continuation of a conversation
that I think we have been having for quite a while now...
that I am very glad we are still having...)

As ever

I am afraid (always) 
that I am never (ever)
as (un) self-aware as 
I think I am (not)
or ever was (not).

the script

we get so tired of the script

the parts we play
unwittingly and wittingly

the repeated acts of self preservation
the auto self immune systems 

the soft signals we send
come to mean so little
come to be but the things that we do
when we want to feel like there’s something—anything—
that makes sense
that we can count on
that we can say reassures us

what we can say measures us

like brushing a lone loose lock 
of hair from the eyes

like the nervous smoothing-out 
of creases in a dress