“If you do something in the spirit of non-achievement, there is a good quality in it. So just to do something without any particular effort is enough.” Shunryu Suzuki To make something of these times I must make something so I will find a frame in which to nail my thoughts. I cannot beat this lone silence and I cannot take this seedless greening anymore, this yearning growth that knows only down and in, only dragging my thoughts into the night where I cannot find them though I remember having them, remember how they felt if not how they looked, remember them close and warm, and thought them somehow grand or at least telling at the time I barely had them, but now? Now I barely have them even less. Now I am not sure if I have them or if they have me. Now they are lost in their own depths, swimming silently in the rolling black medium of their making. Now they haunt me in their bare being and unmake me and swim through me and I will make nothing of them.
…and hopelessly helping….
…because this is how I feel these days….
…and because Megan is a good friend and you should totally be her fan. If you’re in the San Francisco area, do what you can to go see her perform. An amazing singer and songwriter. She also tours like a madwoman so if you’re not in the SF area, keep your eyes open….
She has tons of stuff on youtube as well.
she is lonely like the lioness. she is lonely like the things we lie on when we don't lie on them, like the half-empty bed, so full of the knowledge that one half of it will never be lain upon and one half, if only for tonight, will.
this place I have slept through is a kind of hell place this hollow apartment you go back and all the furniture is gone now it is empty the whole family is gone and you are alone now that you have come back there is no going back to the time before you tried to come back and you are back to the time before you could have possibly started and it is over