Wanting

I want that feeling.
I miss that feeling

but

I don't miss wanting that feeling
so much of the time

and

I don't want to miss that feeling
anymore,

having so much of one's mind 
made up of the wanting 
and the waiting for that 
wanting to go away.

Yes, I do want it.
I want it so badly 
that I can not risk what 
having that could mean
what kind of lean 
that could lead to,

what kind of lean need 
that could mean
to me.